Attention all ladies! The matrimonial aunties are on their way! If you’re from the subcontinent you would be well aware of those “aunties” who are on a mission to find their “Ideal daughter-in-law”. Let’s take a look at the scene here. The hunting starts with tea parties and neighbourhood weddings when all the gorgeous girls are dressed-up in desi clothes and aunties with their hawk eyesight stalk their potential daughter-in-laws. It is then followed by a tea party hosted by the girl’s parents and it ends with a bunch of broken hearts (mostly of girls) and one satisfied “saasu-maa”!
There is a lot of confusion among the bride-to-be, the groom-to-be and the future mother-in-law. The groom thinks that the girl he is marrying is either Angelina Jolie or Katerina Kaif. The girls think that the guy they are marrying is either Edward Cullen or Fawad Khan (ya, the Humsafar guy). The mother-in-law thinks that the girl has some sort of special super powers to be great in… well, everything!
The reason for discussing this is not because I want to abuse the boys or their mothers but I want them to realise that girls are not commodities you can scrutinize and reject at your will. Girls cannot be manufactured on “order” to satisfy all your demands. On the way of hunting down the best girl you damage the self esteem and confidence of most of the girls you’ve seen, had talked to and then rejected, to such an extent that most of the girls end up being subjected to inferiority complex. They are forced to smile and bear all adversities no matter what. They are forced to bring huge dowries to impress her in-laws. They are forced to abandon their parents and siblings just because they want to be accepted by anyone. From childhood, they are told that: “Larkion ka asl ghar sasuraal hai”. (Translation: A girls’ true home is the home of her in-laws). By this are you suggesting that since childhood she’s been living in someone else’s home and that after marriage she’ll finally go somewhere which belongs to her? Or are you suggesting that she is a burden and by marrying her off she’ll be off your shoulders. This whole situation causes her to feel dejected. She wants to be fully accepted by everyone and hence she keeps on losing her true self to satisfy those around her.
Recently, a Pakistani journalist Shermeen Obaid Chinoy won the first Pakistani Oscar on a documentary about acid throwing on women (Saving Face). The whole Pakistan celebrated along with her, for winning the Oscar. Thought: should we really be celebrating it? I mean, it is really awesome that she won the Oscar but we cannot ignore the fact that Pakistan got its first Oscar on the subject of brutal throwing of acid on women and domestic violence. Women are not aware when they are being subjected to domestic violence. They are told from their childhood that woman is meant to bear all the pain inflicted and not say a word about it. It is her duty to keep the family together no matter how everyone treats her. Is this social norm right?
Another thing which adds up to all of this self-inflicted injustice by girls is their idealizing of movie characters like Twilight. I, personally, feel that Twilight is quite anti-feminist. It shows girls that it is ok to leave your education, career, friends, family and (in this case) their morality for one guy who sparkles in sun. The idea is absurd actually when you think about it. Girls are so much inspired by the passionate “love” between Edward and Bella that they want to be like Bella. Bella on the other, hand fails to have a personality strong enough to be idealised. We girls are willing to compromise ourselves just to be socially acceptable! We destroy ourselves and our personalities in doing so. So overall, the problem not only lies in the high expectations of the “aunties” but also due to the fact that girls and the majority of their parents fail to see themselves as human beings.
I categorize this “Bride-Hunt” as domestic violence. Girls don’t know it but they were never meant to be rejected. Girls are born as their “daddy’s princesses” and they are meant to be treated well. We’re all made to love and share love. Not to hate and spread hatred.