The Bride-Hunt


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Attention all ladies! The matrimonial aunties are on their way! If you’re from the subcontinent you would be well aware of those “aunties” who are on a mission to find their “Ideal daughter-in-law”. Let’s take a look at the scene here. The hunting starts with tea parties and neighbourhood weddings when all the gorgeous girls are dressed-up in desi clothes and aunties with their hawk eyesight stalk their potential daughter-in-laws. It is then followed by a tea party hosted by the girl’s parents and it ends with a bunch of broken hearts (mostly of girls) and one satisfied “saasu-maa”!

There is a lot of confusion among the bride-to-be, the groom-to-be and the future mother-in-law. The groom thinks that the girl he is marrying is either Angelina Jolie or Katerina Kaif. The girls think that the guy they are marrying is either Edward Cullen or Fawad Khan (ya, the Humsafar guy). The mother-in-law thinks that the girl has some sort of special super powers to be great in… well, everything!
Reality: Disaster.

The reason for discussing this is not because I want to abuse the boys or their mothers but I want them to realise that girls are not commodities you can scrutinize and reject at your will. Girls cannot be manufactured on “order” to satisfy all your demands. On the way of hunting down the best girl you damage the self esteem and confidence of most of the girls you’ve seen, had talked to and then rejected, to such an extent that most of the girls end up being subjected to inferiority complex. They are forced to smile and bear all adversities no matter what. They are forced to bring huge dowries to impress her in-laws. They are forced to abandon their parents and siblings just because they want to be accepted by anyone. From childhood, they are told that: “Larkion ka asl ghar sasuraal hai”. (Translation: A girls’ true home is the home of her in-laws). By this are you suggesting that since childhood she’s been living in someone else’s home and that after marriage she’ll finally go somewhere which belongs to her? Or are you suggesting that she is a burden and by marrying her off she’ll be off your shoulders. This whole situation causes her to feel dejected. She wants to be fully accepted by everyone and hence she keeps on losing her true self to satisfy those around her.

Recently, a Pakistani journalist Shermeen Obaid Chinoy won the first Pakistani Oscar on a documentary about acid throwing on women (Saving Face). The whole Pakistan celebrated along with her, for winning the Oscar. Thought: should we really be celebrating it? I mean, it is really awesome that she won the Oscar but we cannot ignore the fact that Pakistan got its first Oscar on the subject of brutal throwing of acid on women and domestic violence. Women are not aware when they are being subjected to domestic violence. They are told from their childhood that woman is meant to bear all the pain inflicted and not say a word about it. It is her duty to keep the family together no matter how everyone treats her. Is this social norm right?

Another thing which adds up to all of this self-inflicted injustice by girls is their idealizing of movie characters like Twilight. I, personally, feel that Twilight is quite anti-feminist. It shows girls that it is ok to leave your education, career, friends, family and (in this case) their morality for one guy who sparkles in sun. The idea is absurd actually when you think about it. Girls are so much inspired by the passionate “love” between Edward and Bella that they want to be like Bella. Bella on the other, hand fails to have a personality strong enough to be idealised. We girls are willing to compromise ourselves just to be socially acceptable! We destroy ourselves and our personalities in doing so. So overall, the problem not only lies in the high expectations of the “aunties” but also due to the fact that girls and the majority of their parents fail to see themselves as human beings.

I categorize this “Bride-Hunt” as domestic violence. Girls don’t know it but they were never meant to be rejected. Girls are born as their “daddy’s princesses” and they are meant to be treated well. We’re all made to love and share love. Not to hate and spread hatred.

31 responses to “The Bride-Hunt

  1. Right on Roo…I couldn’t agree with you more. We are not commodities!!! When we make this final shift into a new dimension all of this will be a thing of the past anyway. Love will rule and no Auntie in the world will be able to over-rule the heart’s true feelings! Can’t wait for the shift to come!!! VK :)

  2. Great article! And true…!
    The propensity to think that some goddess is gonna come for your spoiled brat and make everything alright leaves a lot of people unhappy, and makes their circumstances even more unhappy.

  3. great article but I would like to point out one thing, girls who read twilight are more practical and realistic and their marriage is destroyed due to other reasons . These matrimonial issues are mostly seen in lower middle class and some middle class families only who aren’t a big fan of English literature.

  4. this is really nice piece of art…the only thing I would like to say is that these days I guess this is other way round…most of the guys are falling behind and all those things girls were tortured, are now acted upon guys…it aint that a guy has to wear a dupatta and serve tea (I really hate that logic) but still there are alot of quests and I would say most of the guys are just like that jaccob from twilight, he loved bella cared about her way too much and wanted everything positive for her…bella kept a hold of his leash and when edward wasnt around, jacob was the next choice but in the end edward cud sparkle (as u mentioned) so he got bella and jacob left aside…
    if like then do check out my post on the same topic from different angle, would post the link in a while :)

    • Actually I was more concerned about the way girls are rejected on basis of their color or the way their nose is etc. Point: it happens everyday around us and the majority of it happens to girls.
      90% of this same thing happens to women. They are rejected, disregarded, exploited and yet they are unable to do anything about it. Do you know that according to a survey, about 18% of men in subcontinent regard women less than human. They don’t think that they are human and an overwhelming 68% of the people said that if it was in their might they wouldn’t have a female child.
      I’ve seen and met so many girls, well educated, well mannered and belonging to great families but they were rejected by the “aunties” who said this bluntly to THEIR FACE that they are too “kaali and moti” to be married !
      women in our society are forced to live their lives full of compromises.

      I totally agree that sometimes (rarely though) men have to face somewhat a similar scenario but then it is rare. In Pakistan, mostly people live in rural areas where women are being deprived of their basic right to live let alone the choice of their groom..!

      • hmm agreed…I only pointed out the city life where the customs have changed but ya the rural life is way behind and I do agree women are not treated as they have the right to be….women is a precious gift for mankind and it is being misused and tortured a lot…m not saying that it is only because of the mistake of men cause here both the genders are equally responsible like the aunties you mentioned would have been rejected once by another aunty who by another aunty…I mean to say the cycle continues just cause one woman can’t handle the fact that another is better than her and not going through what she had so here it is again a woman murdering another…see what I am trying to say?

  5. Flawed? I call it the difference in opinion.

    I disagreed with the way girls are treated, boys get their way someway or the other but most of the times girls are left to suffer !
    even without you saying it, men are already treated in a much better way than women in our society .. men take their “higher- status” a bit too high to bear and being higher in any way does not give you the privilege to act as insensitive as you want and force others into inferiority complex !!

  6. I completely agree with you.

    I enjoy your writing; you have a good “voice” which invites me to read more. Thank you for visiting my blog.

  7. it seems ur and my inclinations and ideas resemble to a great extent. Throughly enjoy ur fresh writing style with the themes i covered in my articles and blogs. So hello friend… keep writing & stay in blog :) luv. erum

  8. Super post – The thing that gets me with this and a lot of these cultural activities is that it is the women that seem to perpetuate them. We are suffering at the hands of our own gender. It would be interesting to know why that is.

    • Exactly…!
      I don’t know why this happens but it happens all the time around us..!
      But I guess this is the general human phenomena… to judge people by looks. We, ourselves are imperfect yet we want everyone around us to be more than just perfect!

  9. I agree with all the situations you describe and its consequences but i am still in the conflict with my thoughts because my parents used to advice the same that if you are not going to make compromises then it will result the worst. And this is the reason why divorce rate in the world is increasing and i find myself quiet at this point.

    Can you answer it……………..???

    • The thing is that in our society, girls are always expected to make compromises. If the fault lies in the guy, people tend to ignore it. They fail to see that girls are human too and they cant bend over backwards and change their whole selves just to please one person. Though in some situations, women can compromise in order to have a better future. But mostly, no matter what their male counterparts do, women are expected to bear with it.

      In relationships, you have to make compromises but it is a two way process.
      Both parties need to accept and respect the differences only then they can live a happy life. Compromises need to be made by both of them, not just the girls. I’ve seen women totally losing themselves and their personalities just to fit in and to be accepted, while their male counterparts were totally indifferent about it. This attitude hurts!

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